Excessive Wand Users Anonymous
by iluv2eatcarbs
Summary: Voldemort had to understand the ways in which he has misused and misunderstood his wand.


"Well, I believe we all know why we are gathered here today; we have misused and misunderstood the ways in which we use our wands. Let us start with introductions; my name is Nate Merger, and I used to blow up animals with my wand and have been clean for five years. Let's go around the room, and we'll start with you." He said gesturing towards the woman to his left.

"My name is Cicalee Brath."

"Hello Cicalee," the crowd of people chanted.

"I used to make it so that other people's reproduction organs became invisible."

"And why would you do this, Cicalee?" Nate asked, noticeably crossing his legs.

"Because I had a boyfriend that cheated on me," said Cicalee bitterly.

"Well Cicalee, we are very glad you have joined us. Alright, next."

"My name is Kaleb Klink, and I used to use my wand to manipulate people's minds so they would steal money and clean my house."

"And why would you do this, Kaleb?"

"Because I was too lazy to do it myself."

"Well, thank you for joining us, next please."

The man next to Kaleb was a scary man, his face was shadowed by his hood, and his hands where long and pure white. "My name is Lord Voldemort."

"Ah, no nicknames, please state your real name."

"You can't be serious."

"I'm afraid I am, indeed, serious."

"Fine," Voldemort sighed irritably. "My names Tom Riddle, but all my friends and enemies call me Voldemort, Voldie if you're nasty."

"Hello Tom," the crowd chanted. The woman who vanished people's reproductive organs said, "Hello Voldie."

"Tom, why are you here with us today?" Nate inquired.

"Ah well, I guess I used to kill people. But in my defense I would warn them when they where about to be killed."

"And why would you kill people, Tom?"

"I guess I have this dream of world dominance."

"Well, we all need dreams. Please, tell us more."

"Well, it started as a child; I grew up with no father. I had no male figure in my life, and my mum wasn't much help either, so I had to grow up on my own. It was me and my little sheep called Fuzzy-Lumps."

"Do you still seek comfort in this sheep, Tom?"

"It died, and I vowed from that day on I would never love again."

"Is that why your heart is so cold?"

"Yes," Voldemort said solemnly, hanging his head.

"You mentioned friends earlier, tell us about them."

"Well, they're not so much friends as…Death Eaters. Essentially they kill people for me because I can't be bothered killing anyone that isn't Harry Potter."

"I think by first changing your life, you have to change the people around you. Maybe you should change Death Eaters into something more…likeable."

"Like what?"

"How about…The Fuzzy-Lumps? In memory of your beloved sheep."

"I don't know, Death eaters is so…catchy, and it tends to strike fear into the hearts of others."

"Maybe that's your problem; your approach to things. Instead of wanting to strike fear into the hearts of others you should try and strike love into the hearts of others."

"But you couldn't possibly gain world dominance with that nitwit approach." Nate gave Voldemort a scolding look and Voldemort sighed irritably. "Fine, I'll think about it."

"Good, and while your heading down the right track why don't you try and…stop killing people? Instead of killing them maybe you should give them hugs. Love is equally –if not more- effective as killing people."

"Well, I'm kind of known around the block for killing people and if I start hugging people, eh, they'll think I'm a little girl with curly hair and a lollipop."

"No, I think they'll see you for who you truly are."

"And who is that?"

"A lost soul that is only looking for a little love in his life and needs to be guided in the right direction. I think with a little help from some friends, and counseling, possibly shock therapy, you will be like any normal person…only with squinty eyes and freakishly pale skin."

Voldemort sighed, "You know Nate, I came in here today thinking I was going to kill you but I think you are the only person that truly understands me."

"I'm glad you decided to spare me my life, Tom, and I thank you for that. Now, I think that you should write a letter of apology to Harry Potter while the rest of us take a quick break. When we come back I would like it if you would read the letter to the class."

Nate conjured parchment and quill for Voldemort and Voldemort immediately began writing. His quill ran over the paper quickly. When Nate and the others came back he was enthusiastic about sharing.

"Alright Tom, are you ready?"

"Yes," Voldemort said, standing up and clearing his throat:

_Dear Harry,_

_I would first like to start off by saying how I'm sorry about killing your parents, it wasn't them I was after, it was you. And because of my inability to not kill anyone standing in my way I left you orphaned and alone with a fat cousin. I would also like to apologize on behalf of Bellatrix for killing Sirius, the only family you had left. It was out of my hands. But you also should be thanking me; I made you into a huge star. And that lighting bolt on your forehead is a must have for this season. I'm really hoping that sometime we can get together and talk about this; I have many things to apologize for. Besides, I've always secretly wanted to be your friend. You had so many people surrounding you who actually cared for you and didn't fear you. I hope that we can even get on a first name basis, I realize that the only time I use your name is when I say 'Potter, I hope you're ready to join your parents.' _

_Hoping to be your friend,_

_Tom Riddle_

"Very good Tom, very good indeed. You got your point across and you seem sincere, I hope Harry will get that message." Nate said supportively.

"Thank you Nate, for everything. Could I possibly next time bring my Death Eaters…I mean, Fuzzy-Lumps?"


End file.
